Love Thy Self
Love Thy Self
Good morning kind Soul.
For years I listen to others say to me “love yourself” and for years I did not understand how I could love myself. Well I have finally figured it out. I had to figure out the HOW before I knew what to do. What I did was analyze how I loved others, especially my children. Once I figured this out then I was able to start applying it to myself.
Loving myself is daily work. It can be challenging and unclear. It is undoing messages such as “I am stupid” “I don’t matter” “No body loves me” … yada yada yada. If you do not love yourself or have never loved you then you will know what I am saying.
This processing of loving self is not easy. There are moments I say something like “what an idiot you are Alexis” I have to stop and say to self, “Alexis what are you saying—STOP IT NOW!” or “You know what you are doing, quit berating yourself.”
My children all have wonderful things to say about me and often I have minimized or dismissed their love and kindness because it was unimaginable that my children truly loved me. Except as my thinking started to change so did my perspective on those around me. I started to see all those who loved me. In the past months the people I connect with are people who are interested in the same things as me. I attend gatherings that are stimulating for me and that I find interesting and inspiring.
I live with my youngest daughter and we have been on our own for at least 5 years, since the last of the 3 older girls moved out. We have had challenges but through it all we both, especially me, has learned to talk about things that bother me, set healthy boundaries for me, communicate with my words differently and be patient as change evolves.
Loving oneself is learned. We can teach it to our children only if we are able to role model it. As I read more and more on intergenerational trauma, complex grief, compassion and vulnerability I am truly understanding how we have to learn love as many have not been loved or loved in a manner they thought was love. Like myself my children learned my bad habits. I am hopeful I can reverse this teaching. What I am doing is being clear that as an adult each and every one of them has the responsibility to be that change they wanted in their parents and in the world.
Bottom line when you read or listen to something and think “oh I wish so and so could see / hear this” then you have a bit of self loving still to learn. Where ever you are, what ever you are doing, what ever you are reading is for you and about you — thinking it for someone is called a “Distraction” or ‘ego’ messing with your mind. Only work on you, as weird as it sounds, in time your inside energy will change and those around you will sense it. Folks who prefer you when you were unloving towards yourself will drift from you and you from them … beauty attracts beauty …
Once we love who we are we then start to truly love others exactly as they are.
For me I started to see the beauty in all that I was doing, the people I engaged with and literally my life was and continues to shift. Challenges and difficulties may not go away but you will seriously start to see everything through a new lens of perspective.
Signs and symotoms that I observe when we each love self:
- self care —- which is endless … Self-care is anything you do to look after you. When you care about you you start to love you which then turns into self-compassion.
- being kind to others — others means everyone. Trust me being kind to those who have wronged you is not easy, and in time you will see someone who has wronged you that that doing is about them.
- reframing negative gossip — if someone should share unkindness or negativity about someone else then when you have love in you, you will stop it.
- Assessing one’s reactions — This I share in my facilitations, when we react—good or bad—reaction is ours and it is us who must look at what is happening inside our hearts / minds as to why the reaction. Acknowledge, forgive and reframe.
- Forgiveness — we actually have to forgive ourselves for not caring for self or loving self, and especially for not knowing. Then to move forward with new thoughts, actions and new purpose. In time forgiving others will happen.
- stopping anger in self and others — Stopping anger means acknowledging it. Ignoring anger never addresses anything as it will return with a vengence to the point of rage. When someone is angry they want to be heard. So LISTEN.
- helping others when they are distressed — if someone needs help, help them with what you have to offer which may not be what they want.
There can be many other signs and symptoms about loving one’s self. Know that love is a good thing, it longs to feel and be kind. It wants to connect with others and help without being destroyed.
It has taken some 50+ years and I am learning to love myself as my mother and father loved me when I was born. As the Universe and all the unknown energies love me. As my children, my father and his wife, my sister and maybe a few others love me. I am happy in my life and there will be days and months when I cannot see all the good in my life. For me, I will continue to work every day to seeing the good in life, and knowing the love that is in each and everyone of you.
Take care and blessings to all.