Men-O-Pause / Pause-O-Moment

This photo is me and my youngest. I always knew that when she was born we might be in for a stormy phase when she would be entering puberty I would be entering menopause; or as Jane Fonda says so well “Entering the 3rd Act of Life”.  OMG is all I have to say.

Two years ago I helped organize an event for International Women’s Day, March 8th … we promoted the session as a “Hot Flash” event and titled it something along the lines … Menopause and the Professional Woman.

At this session … we had a woman who had experienced menopause tell her story and it was unbelievable what she went through. More shocking was what she did to hold herself together. How in a workplace of some 4500 employees (62% women) and many females in executive positions there is little acknowledgement or recognition as to how to survive these critical transitioning years as a women in the workplace.

Following the personal story, we had a nurse from Ottawa Women’s Health share the science and facts on what women experience going through menopause. The session started with looking at the cycles that a woman goes through and that often menopause is initiated by a phase called peri-menopause which can last in some woman for up to 10 years. Also, based on research gathered as to what woman experience, apparently women can experience any one or combination of 40 symptoms. Unfreck’in believable … because this is all happening at 40+ woman are experiencing many medical conditions be it depression, anxiety, peri-menopause, osteoporosis, heart conditions, and of course various other endocrinologie medical conditions.

What struck me since participating in this session as a participant is that woman once again in society are expected to perform incredible feats to move along the corporate / executive career path; and that without consideration of the physical demands placed on a woman’s body is the impacts on her mental health, social well-being and ultimately her spiritual wellness.

As an Indigenous woman I have knowledge only of that support woman give each other and how some culturally traditional woman introduce their young girls to ceremonies.  In such ceremonies there are lodges designed for woman to visit and be care for by others, or to care for herself. My simplistic way of looking at this is that when a young woman enters her moon time each month she is to take the time to rest and reflect and heal or tend to her spirit. She is to honor this time and allow her sisters and aunties to care for her.  She may rest in the lodge that is for all woman in a particular community and join the community projects such as beading, sewing, and singing. There may also be  other initiatives of quiet reflective traditional learnings and sharing.

I have often shared with my own daughters, whether they hear me or not tis another story, that when a woman has thoughts visiting her mind during her moon time, that is what she needs to find peace with. Most woman do not feel good about who they are or what they are doing at their moon time. They complain about how they look, what they feel like, those in their life who annoy them. During a woman’s moon time those thoughts are magnified 10 times to the nth degree in negativity. When this happens this is an indicator that the woman needs to go inside herself and find out what that means to her. Is it something to learn, to teach, to change, to help or care for others … what ever the case her moon time is a time of reflection, healing, and making amends with past actions of self dismissiveness.

Instead in our Western colonized world we are taught as females to disrespect the very gift of life we were given. We are taught to hate that which creator made special in us. As an Indigenous woman I could only be taught what my mother and aunties and even grandparents learned through their teachings in residential school and the enforcement of the Indian Act. Through these teachings which are part of that intergenerational learning and trauma, we teach our boys to not understand or gain knowledge on how to care for their mothers, aunties, sisters, partners, and future children. We teach males to disrespect the very gift of creator in the many women in their lives.

As a women I am honoured now that I have been blessed. I see how I treated myself reflected in how my girls think and at times treat themselves. As their mother healing from my own teachings of shame and disrespect for self I now try to role model respecting and honouring the many women I know.  As young adult women my girls are also changing those early teachings.

It is my opinion however that it is my daughters generation that will change the men and then boys in their lives to be more accepting and honouring of woman. In turn woman will grow to respect who they are and appreciate more equally and as true partners the many men in their lives. Men are part of caring for our mothers and fathers, grandmothers and grandfathers, and the ancestors who support the adult men and woman raise their children and help them grow into the blessings bestowed on them in this universe.

I challenge you to think about how you treat ALL the females in your life? Make a list of every single girl, woman, old woman you know. Write 5 things that come to mind about that person. Do this for each and every female on your list. Then do a similar list for ALL the males in your life. As you becomes aware of each person, specifically the women in your life, how might you change your engagement or relationship with her.

The point of this challenge is for you to become aware of any unconscious bias you may have of women in your life. How can you be an ally or supporter of her wellness? How do you help her during critical transition phases she is journeying? How then, both men and women, do you raise your children to be respectful of the female body and the time she needs for rest and reflection? I truly believe when we are all respecting each other, in our uniqueness, similarities, differences and preferences we learn to help and care for each other. It is OK to be both positive and negative, good and bad, up and down — what is not OK is being unkind to self or others. No matter this life we live is an amazing journey for us all.

As always thank you for reading this piece. Enjoy a beautiful day where ever you may be … hugs and blessings.